How exactly to network without feeling like you’re doing it

Here is a simple approach to turn employment networking into effective bonding:

When you’re networking, request a reference, not employment. 

Whether you’re doing catch-up drinks or grabbing lunch to reconnect, your need is to obtain an ally, not just a tally of job listings. Recruiting a helping hand in your search is the goal.

So don’t ask your college friend if she knows of any jobs for you. How would she?

And don’t ask your boss from two jobs ago if she has the names of any individuals who are currently seeking to hire somebody like you. It puts her on the spot. Uncomfortably.

No, instead, ask for a reference. Mention that you’re planning to be moving positions, or you’re already looking. Let them know the sort of positions you are and aren’t fitted to, and what you’re hoping to attain in your new opportunity.

And then inquire further if – when it gets to that place in your search – would it will be OK to utilize them as a reference.

By not putting them immediately on the spot about specific job openings, you reduce the awkwardness inherent in the networking conversation.

And by letting them realize that you hold them in high enough esteem to potentially utilize them as a guide, you’re actually paying them a compliment.

You’re also making it easier for them to say “yes”, and to feel well about themselves for helping you out with only a little favor.

Most of all, that you have a brand new buddy in your search – one who’s likely to be considering keeping a watch out for new opportunities and an ear open for fresh possibilities for his or her reference-able friend: you.

It’s wins and grins all around.

Now, this doesn’t benefit just any old person you meet on the street. There’s probably a very good match between people you’d decide to have lunch with and those you can ask to become a reference. So my advice should be to adhere to asking those you know well enough.

Being realistic, the widely offered and deeply wrong advice from decades ago that you need to make an effort to extract favors, concessions, names, jobs, and career assistance from people you’ve only met over the telephone is not merely useless, it may be counterproductive to your aims by antagonizing your broader network.

By making your networking about compliments, you will find it pays dividends.

Best of luck in your search this week!